Sexual Communication 101: Flirting, Dirty Talk, and Boundaries

Here at Dusty Flynt Sexy Gifts, we know sex. And that means we know that one of the most important parts of sexual expression is communication.

Communication is at the core of any relationship that you decide to pursue, whether professional, friendly, or intimate. Although not all relationships have the same values, all of them start with the same layout and introduction to building it: a voice. All relationships that we develop in life require us to use that voice and talk to each other. So why is it so hard to talk about the one relationship that brings us closer to others as we share our intimacy and vulnerability?

Well, to answer that, most of society has made the topic of sex hush-hush and taboo, leaving the opportunity to build and increase sexual pleasure lost in the dark. I mean, Salt-n-Peppa rocked the ‘90s with their hit “Let’s Talk About Sex.” We can get behind and do just that…talk about sex with those we involve in our sexual experiences.

Now before we jump into the dirty talk and go deeper into the bedroom on how to communicate the rougher things we want to take to bed, let us start simple with little things communication can help with.

Perhaps you are part of the up to 60 percent of men and women who report faking an orgasm at some point. Perhaps you’re developing an interest in BDSM or looking to expand your sexual play with adult toys. Or, perhaps you simply want to grow closer to your partner. Being able to communicate effectively, openly, and honestly about what you want, your boundaries, your emotions, and new ideas is a requirement for a healthy sex life. A number of studies have found that sexual communication can actually influence how satisfied partners are in their relationship. Sexual communication can also encourage safer sex and condom usage. That’s why we’re offering some tips and tricks for effective sexual communication—so you can move on to getting your good vibes only!

• If you’re worried about how to start communication, let’s start basic: flirting. For some, flirting may come naturally, but for others, this can be very intimidating. This act may seem juvenile, but covert sexual signaling is code for flirting. We can do this without being sexually intrusive. For women, most may change the way they laugh, emphasize the way their hips sway when they walk, or give a gentle hand touch. For men, it may be increasing their voice, emphasizing the way they stick their chest out, and decreasing the space between them and the person they are interested in. Many may not even start with words but instead give bashful eye contact from across the room. Honestly, when flirting is reciprocated, it gives us confidence and makes us feel good. It’s a critical stepping stone in initiating a sexual contact for a potential relationships. For those whom are already invested in a long-term relationship, flirting allows you to define that you are still attracted and desire the one to whom you’ve been committed. It helps set the mood and keeps our relationships fun.
• Bringing communication into the bedroom outside of flirting can be hard and intimidating, and that’s okay. Quite frankly, there is no wrong or right way to do that. If jumping into dirty talk is something that you’re not ready to take the leap on, then that is fine also. Simple sounds such as moans and purring during pleasure is a great way to let your partner know that you enjoy what’s going on. But don’t feel like this form of communication is an obligation. There are other actions you can make during sex that can convey that you enjoy what you and your partner are doing. Arching your back, looking into their eyes, and pulling them closer to you are other various forms that can express without words that you are really into it. Another way to communicate what your wants are is simply by showing them. With the consent of your partner, guide their hands around your body to where you want them and show them what you want.
• Turn sexual communication into a game. If you want to add experimentation into your sex life but you don’t know where to start, sex position games are a great place to start! From sexy vouchers and scratch-off tickets to card games and dice games—even some games with vibrators!—there’s a wide variety of options to suit whatever you’re dreaming of. Laughing is a great way to break the ice and put you and your partner at ease.
• Consent is sexy. What is a red flag for one person may not be a red flag for another. Whatever your boundaries are, it’s important that you share your feelings with your partner—and that your partner respects your wishes. For BDSM in particular, consent is a requirement, and consent should be given for each activity you choose to engage in. Remember that just because you gave consent to being handcuffed, blindfolded, and paddled one day, for example, doesn’t mean you have to give consent the next day.
• Demonstrate what you like. One way to communicate what you enjoy in bed is by showing your partner how you like to touch yourself. Masturbating in front of a partner is both hot and informative! If your partner can watch the way you stroke, rub, or use a vibrator or dildo, he or she can touch you in similar ways.
• Keep in mind that listening is just as important as talking. Communication is a two-way street. Ask questions and use active listening techniques—like giving your full attention to the speaker, keeping your mind focused, refraining from interruptions, and confirming what the speaker has said—to help you avoid misunderstandings. You may even learn new things about your partner and grow even closer. This can even be flirtatious pillow talk, turning what could be an awkward moment into foreplay when you show how well you’ve understood your partner.

These conversations initially can feel awkward and outside your comfort zone, but that’s a good sign. It shows that you are moving towards a more intimate relationship based on a mutual understanding of what turns you and your partner on. Remember that it’s always good to ask questions and do your research when you’re looking to expand your sex play.

We at Dusty Flynt Sexy Gifts are committed to spreading sexual wellness and exploration—so we’re here as your guide! Bring your partner in, and we can suggest the best adult toys, lingerie, and tips to build romance and your sexual satisfaction.